Category Archives: Travel Tips

“Surprise! I’m taking you on a romantic weekend” should have been music to my ears. How many movies have the romantic lead sweeping his lady off to a smoochy locale at the drop of the hat? Well, for a girl who likes to plan (read: borderline control freak) this announcement sent me down a stress spiral.

“Where are we staying?” I squeaked out, my mind already beginning to race.

“Oh, I don’t know yet.” Brian says sheepishly.

“Where is the dog staying?” I sneak a peek at a mapping app on my phone. “You know it’s, like, 4 hours away, right?”

“When are we leaving?” My brain jumps to all my to dos. I need to cancel a double date dinner that I’d been planning all week. I envision the look on our friend’s face when he walks into our sty of a home to take Herman for a walk. The girl guilt rushes in with visions of the messy house, undone laundry and bachelor-esk empty fridge all taunt me saying “nah-nah-na-na you can’t finish us this weekend.”

So – I cry. I cry because I’m ashamed that I can’t get excited. I cry because I have a lovely husband that would do something so lovely for me and I can’t appreciate him. I cry because I really just wanted to veg on the couch coming off a busy business travel month and coming weeks of presentations to prepare for and business to take care of. I cry because I’m a controlling bitch.

Brian had been planning all March to take me to Asheville for the weekend, a gorgeous mountain town in western North Carolina. On Friday afternoon he found a sleepy little artist’s retreat that boasted guests including Ernest Hemingway and John Steinbeck. He had found it as an option to bring your little dog Herman, but he was able to arrange a couple of visits from a friend in the neighborhood. He had even discovered that it was the start of the Festival of Flowers at Biltmore and got us tickets for Sunday as that was the nicer of the two days there. It was all set. We’d get up in the morning, he’d drive the four hours to get there and we’d have fun.

Really, Brian had thought of everything. I needed to give him more credit and be less of a bitch. Honestly, how he stays married to me is beyond me some days. There are other people in the world that can plan a weekend. And maybe, just maybe, everything doesn’t have to be planned out the nth degree.

I was also partly stressed about the surprise because for me, planning is most of the fun of a vacation. Heck, even in my work life I’d much rather plan and make a strategy than actually implement a project. I love the process of planning. I love the research and the discovery of all the cool things we could do.

With the surprise, I was missing out on this process, it was taken away from me. I was worried that we’d miss cool things to do. We’d miss yummy places to eat. Then Brian reminded me, we’re just four hours away. This is not our last trip to Asheville. We will be back if we miss something.

Then I realize that there will never a good weekend for a surprise. I’m overbooking myself and my husband. We always have something to do. Stress is why he planned this weekend. Okay, I buckle step into the abyss of a decision-free weekend.

Since Brian wanted to surprise me, I wanted him to continue controlling the decisions. I needed to let him do this. It would be good for me.

The long and short of it is that we had a wonderful weekend. We spent time as a loving, laughing couple with too many laugh out loud moments to count. Sweet quiet times that make me so happy that my husband is also my best friend. I am so thankful that he accepts me, controlling bitch and all.

I know I’m not the only woman, or man for that matter, that feels this controlling. I can’t be…right? Here are my tips on how to get over your controlling bitchy self and enjoy a surprise weekend:

1. Prioritize details before you leave – Make sure that you do take care of the things that are most important so you can have a relaxing weekend, but prioritize them. I really needed to pick up the house so I felt okay with a friend seeing our home and so we could come back to something less messy. It’s okay to obsess, just get it done and put it out of mind.
2. Really hold to the decision-free part - Brian and I are very communicative so we always come up with 2-3 options and discuss a conclusion. We were so used to this process that Brian often offered up options and let me make the final pick. I had to catch myself and say “Nope, decision-free weekend.” I needed to let go of my control. This also keeps up the surprise factor for the whole weekend.
3. Communicate about your stress - Brian asked me if I was stressed about going away for the weekend and I said no, but he knew I meant yes. Once he gently called me on it I broke down. I was afraid of hurting his feelings, but I was emotionally crushed by his decision. We talked about it, I cried, it was very helpful.
4. Breaking the pattern will help you see your weaknesses - Enjoying the planning and being in control of everything is exhausting. It is a weakness and a strength to have these character traits. Sure you know your course of action, but it can sometimes make for serious tunnel vision. Breaking up your pattern and trying a new way to doing things can help make your alpha personality traits stronger by seeing your weaknesses.

I survived the weekend with flying colors. We say lots of fabulous things and were very mentally relaxed when we came home. The eight hours of driving in 48-hours was a little physically taxing, but worth the memorable weekend.

I’m so thankful for my husband who was strong enough to do this for me. Survived a surprise, gosh, I am one crazy woman!